Author: The Munter

Wife to a bearded man. Mother of 1 two legger and 2 four leggers. Animal lover yet animal killer. Raising a daughter who will know no boundaries based on her gender. Teaching my daughter how to shoot a gun, skin a buck and run a trotline….Wait that’s a Hank Williams Jr song. Well you get the idea.

Boo Fucking Who, Little johnny didn’t get a ribbon

First let me say I understand wanting to protect your child’s fragile little feelings, But there has to be a point when the madness stops.  I am so tired of hearing about parents who whine when their kid doesn’t get an award in some sport or event.

I am on a FB group of an elementary school that an unnamed person’s kids go to.  I saw there was a discussion about the recent science fair they had.  Get this shit, Some of the moms were not too happy that awards were given for 1st, 2nd and 3rd place etc and that not everyone got an award.  What you are thinking is correct, their kids didn’t win shit.  I have no doubt if their kids had won say first place they wouldn’t be opening their mouths.  I really laughed when one mom wrote, “We didn’t realize it was a competition” Really? Are you kidding me? Since when has a science fair not been a competition?  I guess it should be called the Science competition.  Also please be sure dinner at your house is now called, The Dinner competition because I bet 20 bucks the kid who doesn’t eat all their veggies isn’t going to get the prize aka dessert.

Seriously you didn’t see me crying because my dog didn’t get a ribbon at the hunt test…Oh wait that’s right because she did, My dog kicks ass.

Am I the only one who thinks this is a bunch of shit?  I think it is important to teach your kids that yeah they fucking suck at some shit. I mean if your kid can’t kick the fucking soccer ball, nor does he want to put in the effort then don’t put them in soccer then complain when the kid who does and spends his free time practicing (while your delicate little flower sits on his ass playing video games instead of practicing) gets VIP on the team and yup a huge shiny trophy.

As far as I am concerned a little competition is healthy.  I don’t believe in dumbing shit down regardless of how old you are.  You should be teaching your child how to be happy for other people’s success (as well as their own) instead of teaching them that life is fair, it isn’t.  Teach them it is ok to be 2nd or 3rd and make fun of them along the way (it’s fun), Build up that self-esteem.

I suppose growing up a hunter with my dad I learned that you don’t always get the deer or bird.  Sometimes your hunting partner shoots the leg off a deer, then makes you hikes miles looking for a three-legged deer, even when you point out that a three-legged deer really wouldn’t get that far…I often wonder about that three-legged deer and where it is today. Or if my dad err I mean hunting partner really even hit the damn thing at all.

If my kid turns out anything like me she is going to be fucked in the science department and academics.  So I will be sure to enroll her in an elementary school with a Trap team, I am sure she will be amazing.  Hopefully she isn’t on the highschool drinking team like her father and I were.

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Puppies and Toddlers..The truth

So there has been this adorable blog all over the internet lately of this cute little rescue puppy napping with it’s tiny human.  It is beyond adorable, I look at it frequently.  The real reason I look at it though is I am patiently waiting for the other shoe to drop, it has to right?  This is not how the average puppy and toddler get along.  I have a puppy (she is 6 months now) and a tiny human of my own (just over 2 now) and only once or twice have I gotten a picture of the two of them that melts you heart.

Most of our pictures look like this:
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Or this…Super cute right? Puppy with the binky!

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But that equals this

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It is a constant struggle in our house to balance the puppy and the tiny human.  Trying to teach two tiny beings respect for each other is tough!  It also doesn’t help when you have the world’s best behaved lab and your tiny human expects her tiny puppy to be just like her.  There is never a right time to have a kid or a puppy.  So just don’t have either.  I mean together, don’t have either together.  Instead you should get two puppies, so they can entertain each other instead of just one, who will chew up;  legos, barbies, shoes, ponies, stuffed animals, chicken nuggets, dryer sheets, socks, light up lady bugs, mag lites, kindles, leap frogs, dvds, jackets, hats, pens, trains, train tracks, princess castles, fairy wings, measuring tapes and binkies.

Kids are like tiny tornadoes and puppies are the little storm chasers.  The speed in which my daughter can drop something and my puppy steal it, is amazing.   The shitty part about toddlers is that sometimes for a brief moment they have lapse in judgement and are totally cool with the puppy ripping the cord off their remote control dog, then the next their bi polar meds wear off and they lose their shit about it.  Talk about confusing for those poor pups!

So long story short don’t go out and get a puppy and think it’s all going to be all happy ,lovely, fun with your toddler. I mean there is those moments, but it is hard work.   Instead get a dog then rehome your toddler.  Your life will be so much easier.  Ok no, but really I won’t ever get a puppy again…Until I decide I want another puppy.  Or my daughter decides she is ready for another puppy, See she is an only child so we will give her whatever she wants and spoil her because I am told by anyone with more than one kid that only children are spoiled and get whatever they want. (She suposedly will also be an asshole and selfish since she is an only child. That blog will be coming soon).  I am hoping she will ask for a pony before a puppy.  I am thinking they wont chew up as much shit.

There have been a few awww moments with the two of them though.  Like the day I brought her home and she was still in shock as to what the fuck was happening and she was too terrified to move after Reed put her in the wagon then put a sombrero on her head.

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Here is the link for the cute napping puppy and toddler.  It really is cute!  http://www.boredpanda.com/toddler-napping-with-puppy-theo-and-beau/

 

 

 

I got a new collar! (and decided to start writing a blog)

Well, I didn’t get a new collar, Amore got a new collar.  I was looking out the window at the box on the porch wracking my brain as to what could be in it.  99.9% of my boxes say amazon but not this one.  I tried to think to a few nights back, Had I taken ambien?  Was this an ambien purchase like the great purple curtain debacle of 2010?  I was coming up blank, Thinking shit what did I order now?  Finally I went out and got the box.  Low and behold it was my order of collars for Amore.  I clearly remembered ordering these (measures your puppies neck with a metal tape measure is no easy feat).  I was pretty excited they had arrived as they are for our upcoming hunt tests next weekend.

See we went to our first Hunt Test ever 2 weekends ago (had never even seen one) and entered Amore in it.  Now we knew you needed an orange collar, We also knew you used a fake gun and didn’t actually get to shoot a bird for your dog (which is kind of a dick move).  What we didn’t know was that you were supposed to bring your own fake gun as well and this “special” collar in which one side is orange and the other is yellow.  Yeah rookies.  Anywho we were lucky in that my dogs aunt (my dogs brothers mother(that makes me laugh)) was there and let us borrow hers.  But I made a mental note to make sure to order Amore her own as soon as we got home.  Then when I got home I forgot to order her one. Actually I forgot for an entire week (Hey I have tiny human, a puppy and a full time job I can’t even remember what I wore yesterday).

So I had convinced my husband that he needed to run Amore, He had way more experience in the dog training arena.  He pointed out that I had actually hunted her one more time than he had, So maybe I should run her.  I said no no, You sir can whistle, I am lucky to whistle 20% of the time when I try, See for some reason she responds to the human whistle better than a plastic whistle.  So I won and he agreed to run her.  Really I was semi chicken to run her and semi wanted to blame him if she didn’t pass (amazing wife aren’t I).

So mind you our dog is just a pup.  She is 6 months old and has some amazing instincts.  I have never trained a hunting dog, My husband has, our lab.  Neither of us has ever had a pointing dog.  So we have been pretty much clueless what to do with the dog once it points a bird for us, aside from shoot the bird of course.  So out the hubs goes…the judges asking us are you top or bottom dog….HUH? What the fuck does that mean.  Oh let me tell you it means NOTHING.  It means your dogs name is listed either on the right or left side of the pairing list.  WTF?   How about just right or left? But this top dog bottom dog shit tells you what color your dogs collar should be..Orange or yellow.  I supposed if you have two dogs of the same breed knowing who is who could be an issue?

So our dog nails it! She passes no problem.  My husband on the other hand was in so many words told by the judges if your dog wasn’t so amazing you would have failed.  Whoops. They gave him a lot of great pointers (pun intended) though and were very nice.  Things like stay closer to your dog, get to her faster when she points, don’t try to shoot the bird with a fake gun etc etc.

We (meaning my husband) ran her the next day as well (fuck if I was going to go down in flames like he did with the judges, plus it was raining) and she again nailed it.  My husband did a lot better as well.

So what did I learn from all of this.

1. My husband is willing to be the sacrificial lamb for me.  Yet another reason to love him.

2.Taking a 2 year old tiny human who loves dogs to a hunt test is a huge pain in the ass.  We have already started taking her into the field hunting with us, but that is just with our dogs, The temptation for her to go love every dog at the hunt test was very overwhelming (read chasing her got old quick).

3. You should somehow know what the fuck to bring, because it isn’t listed on the AKC website (Well not that I could find) and the clubs putting in the hunt tests don’t list it anywhere.

4. Hunt tests are way more fun than dog shows (which we also did our first one this year).

We run again next weekend..At which point I may be begging the judges to let me run my dog with a toddler strapped to my back if my husband has to work.  I go meet with a dog trainer this week which I am hoping gets her and I ready to do this as team.  I wonder if he can teach me how to whistle.

Oh, Lastly I started a blog.  It will surely be all over the place but mostly will be about my tiny human, hunting, dogs, guns, camping,and generally doing stupid shit that I am to old to be doing.  Feedback is always welcome but my husband will tell you is mostly disregarded.

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